Sometimes I think about what will happen if my depression got really bad again and if I ever decided to just do it and kill myself. Not in an existential where-do-we-go-when-we-die way, but what would happen with friends, family? Mostly I think about the outpouring of love that would happen on Facebook. I’ve seen it […]Read More Here today, gone tomorrow
I’m watching a movie where one character thinks the other has cancer, and repeatedly tells him to just keep on fighting it, don’t give up. It sparked a connection in my brain to my battle with depression. It’s a fight that I’ve been fighting for more than half of my life. I self-medicated with drugs […]Read More Just Keep Fighting
For most of my life I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time squishing myself down, trying to fit into a box. Trying to be whoever you wanted me to be. If I could only be polite enough, nice enough, kind enough, perfect enough, then everyone would have to love me. These thoughts were subconscious, but […]Read More this essay doesn’t have a happy ending
So I’ve been having a really rough past six months or so. There’s definitely been some ups (first & second full-time jobs! building a savings! my first AA open talk!) but there’s been a lot of downs too (depression! first visit to a psych ward! fired from one of those jobs, quit the other!). I […]Read More My first (and hopefully last) trip to the psych ward
Sometimes distraction can be the best thing to do for your mental health. Feeling an intense amount of anxiety, or ruminating with (passive) suicidal thoughts? Experiencing a craving? D i s t r a c t i o n. It works. Distracting yourself takes your brain off that track that is bringing so many negative […]Read More Why distraction can be a good thing for your mental health
losing my job was not losing myself. it was no great tragedy, yes, i shed some tears, but they soon dried and were followed by a sense of relief. i had felt trapped there, waking up every morning at 3:30 to go do something that i hated for seven hours a day. i’m so afraid […]Read More i want something more.
So I lost my job a little over a week ago. My depression was getting worse and worse, and I was missing more and more work because of it. I had plans to go to a Partial Hospitalization Program to help pull me out of it, and was planning on telling my boss. And I […]Read More Why Losing My Job Was A Blessing in Disguise